Hemmed in by the mercy of God
As a new parent I’m constantly learning to never, ever, take one single thing for granted.
In a moment, your world can turn on a dime.
This past NYE, little E fell and bumped her head on our floor.
After calling our family doctor we were encouraged to have it checked out in the ER to be safe. After a CT scan it was discovered that E had a crack in her skull.
But no bleeding, swelling, or signs of brain damage.
Where E fell, she was centimetres away from even more trauma. But she fell in the exact right spot to limit the impact.
Our lives and health are simply held in God’s hands—we are fully at his mercy.
Thankfully she is eating well (except for teething), sleeping well, and is recovering at home. We saw a Pediatric brain specialist at a local children’s hospital this winter to have her triple checked and it seems as if she has healed well.
We’re not only at God’s mercy, but we are also hemmed in by God’s mercy.
Mercy
The traditional definition of mercy is to withhold punishment from someone who deserves it. But I appreciated this expanded view and definition of mercy the ministry of Compassion shares on their website (emphasis mine):
“the Bible also defines mercy beyond forgiveness and withholding punishment. God shows his mercy for those who are suffering through healing, comfort, the alleviation of suffering and caring about those in distress. He acts from compassion and acts with mercy.
In Matthew 17:15, a man approaches Jesus and kneels before Him saying, "Lord, have mercy on my son. … He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water."
Jesus' response, to heal the man's son, is one of mercy.”
In our suffering, God extends his mercy when he works to alleviate it and care for those in distress. But does that mean we never suffer or face hardship? Or that God is not merciful when he allows tragic circumstances to happen or endure? It cannot.
Somehow, even in what can be the worst circumstances, God showcases his mercy (comfort and caring), only through his presence in his Word (the Bible), and through people. But then sometimes God seems distant and silent. In those moments, how can we experience the presence and mercy of God?
When I sat in the ER with little E, waiting to hear the results of her CT scan, I didn’t see God in a vision, feel his presence in the room, or experience anything miraculous. God didn’t feel particularly distant, but he didn’t feel close. I didn’t feel abandoned, but I sat in limbo not sure what would happen. I did pray, but my prayers were more like longings, desperate thoughts, and pleadings.
What did minister to me as I sat there surrounded by Covid infected-patients trying to console my screaming infant, was the presence of our ER doctor.
He was kind, patient, attentive, and very helpful. When I left the hospital around dinner time, I left feeling deeply cared for. I didn’t feel as if we were another number on a list to be crossed off and sent home, but I felt seen, valued, and comforted. I told my husband as he picked us up: “We had amazing care in the ER.”
Several days later as our girl was rapidly feeling better at home and acting more herself, I received a call on the phone. It was our ER doctor calling to check in on E. I told my husband, “I think he went above and beyond. I don’t think he was required to do that.”
I found out a week later that our ER doctor was a well-known Christian in our community. Whose parents I was actually friends with, and whose children I had been with at the same summer camp.
Hemmed in by mercy
God hemmed us in by his mercy, through his alleviation of E’s impact to her skull. Through the presence, care, and comfort of our ER doctor. Through the calls and support of family. Through the fast healing of E’s head and her return to “normal”. God feels good when we see him drastically work in our favor when we desperately need it.
Would I have the same faith and grounding in God if (God forbid), our day in the ER ended completely differently? If one quick fall led to brain damage, developmental regressions, or even loss of life?
I’ve seen close friends walk through tragic loss and experience the mercy of God even when there wasn’t healing, alleviation, or comfort for months or years. Instead, God offered mercy to them through his presence, in his Word, and through his people. There was mercy to be offered and received, but it was a different mercy than they hoped for.
In a sobering thought, I realize that to believe in the sovereignty and control of God is to accept that I won’t always receive the mercy from God that I long for. I often feel anxious and stressed about the risk of tragic loss myself.
And yet, even in those fearful scenarios, I know the grace of God will sustain me to receive in faith the mercy that God appoints for me.
As a new parent I’m learning that I’m simply the caretaker of my child, to steward, protect, and provide for. But sometimes I lack the ability to keep her most safe. In those moments I realize two things: the extent of my weakness and frailty as a parent; and that she really does belong to God.