Just Let.It.Go.
Lamentations 3:55-57 "I called your name, Lord, from the depths of the pit. You heard my plea: 'Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.' You came near when I called you, and you said, 'Do not fear.'"
Have you ever felt like you were in the depths of a pit? Like all you could do was to look up and see everyone above you walking around and living life but all you could do was sit there and do nothing? It's a terribly depressing analogy, isn't it? I wouldn't classify myself as depressed or as a person who lives in pain, or surrounded by troubles. In fact, I'm the opposite - I'm terribly spoiled. And before that makes me sound completely egotistical, I'll explain.
When I was a child my grandpa always told me to count my blessings in life. I still think that's a wonderful exercise! It seems in life when I'm presented with an opportunity in front of me, it logically makes sense, and I find it desirable - God gives it to me. There honestly haven't been very many things where God has said no. And when He has said no, it's been for a very specific reason in which, after times passes I acquire the beautiful skill of hindsight.
Recently, I've had something in front of me, it logically made sense, and my heart found it desirable. But God said no - and I was shocked. I was so confused, hurt and slightly embarrassed. This isn't what I wanted to happen at all. So I clung onto what I wanted and wouldn't let it go. I sat there and wallowed, and pouted, and fought with God. I didn't trust Him, agree with Him, or understand where my life was headed. I felt separated from God. I was mad, frustrated, and angry that I didn't get what I wanted. If God had granted me the desires of my heart so many times before - why not now? I felt trapped and stuck in this pit, and I called out for relief. I was emotionally and spiritually drained and I couldn't be in the situation anymore - I needed freedom.
The Bible says that it is through grace that God frees us and saves us. It's not something I earned or achieved - but something God gives me because He loves me. God graced me with loving, supportive and encouraging friends and family. I had some conversations about where I was at with God (stuck and separated), and they helped me place everything into perspective. Then, reading God's word I was blessed with Him speaking directly to my heart through the text. I called out to God for freedom and He heard me! He drew near to me and said, "Do not fear." I can open up my clenched fist and let go of what I've been holding onto: hopes, dreams, hurt, rejection. God knows what He's doing and where my life is heading. I don't need to be afraid, or feel like I'm missing out on something the rest of the world tells me that I need. I have the freedom to surrender everything to God.
I've learned that when God says "no" - it really means, "don't get hurt". God isn't withholding something good from me - but something bad. What a wonderful, loving God I have that wants to protect me no matter what my limited perception thinks. He is in control: I can surrender, let it go, and be free. =)