Kid faces in mom places
Over the past few years as I have strolled through my twenties, and I’ve spent and scrolled more time online I’ve mostly seen,
kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids.
A few years ago it was all about the pregnancy announcement photos. Then monthly (or weekly) bump photos. Then photos of the kids every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. I felt more in tune with strangers' kids online than my own friends I saw in-person multiple times a week.
It wasn’t just kid faces I was seeing. But their whole intimate lives. Their meltdowns. Tantrums. Challenges. Growth. Achievements. As if the family photos albums stored in my grandparents basement in the 1970’s were all of a sudden in real-time, Instagram-live.
Watching the lives of others I assumed I would follow along. But then in my pregnancy I couldn’t think of how to “announce” it on social media. So I waited. And waited. Until I realized I actually didn’t want to. So I didn’t share online, though those in my life (who I saw in person, worked with, and communicated with regularly) knew I was expecting.
My journey of pregnancy felt too raw. Intimate. Challenging. Stressful regarding the pandemic to share. I did write and process my experiences, deciding to share them socially online near my due date. You can read them here: My pregnancy by trimester.
Then little E was born. How would I share about her life in my online space? Would my kid face have a place in my mom space of social media?
I needed to first define my Instagram account as my own.
My account shares MY story. Not my kids’. It’s my reflections, growth, learnings, hobbies, and faith journey. The photos, captions, and content reflect my life, my story. Not little E’s. When I do share about my kids it mostly reflects my own journey in motherhood - what I’m learning, experiencing, etc. As my daughter grows she will have her own story to share. But it won’t be shared on my social media accounts. She will have the chance to choose her own medium and path for her own journeys.
This doesn’t match how others use social media and that’s fine. Other’s accounts DO share their kid’s stories. Some are created for that purpose: to share with an intimate group of family and friends for ease. Others create accounts to share content that prominently feature their own children and growth/development for business.
I needed to set the limits on my own social media use and asked hard questions of WHY I shared certain things. For what purpose? What was I trying to achieve? How did having a child change any of that? Did it? Should it?
As I asked these questions and pondered them in my heart while I sat in my rocking chair, breastfeeding a newborn for many, many hours, I also listened to some wonderfully curated and insightful podcasts regarding kids + social media from Risen Motherhood. If you aren’t familiar with the ministry of R|M I highly suggest following along online. Their Social Media podcast series is definitely worth a listen.
Here are some reflective questions I’ve compiled to help you process boundaries and limits regarding sharing photos/content of your kids on social media. They aren’t exhaustive but perhaps a good place to start. I have answers to many of these questions, and I can share them if you’re interested (you can send me a DM on Instagram or contact me). But here I share the questions without my answers. For my limits may not be yours, nor yours mine. And thankfully there is freedom here as we seek to steward parenting, loving our kids well, while sharing our lives with others.
Why I post:
What is this photo trying to communicate?
Is there a bigger message I’m trying to share?
Will sharing this photo draw more attention from others?
Does my baby make me more popular?
Am I seeking approval or affirmation?
What are my values and goals in life? Does what I post reflect those values?
Community:
Where is my main community? Online? In-person? IG stories?
Are the people in my main “community” people I see in real life? Does that matter to me?
Am I truly known by others? Do they know my weaknesses, brokenness, and grief?
Is sharing content about my child helpful for others? Is it useful?
Are people in my community even interested in my family?
Are people online ONLY interested in my children? Are they following my child’s life more than wanting a legitimate friendship with me?
How do I feel about family and/or friends sharing photos of my children online? Are there conversations my partner and I need to have with family to help unify our approach to social media regarding our children?
Our words:
Do I feel like my kids are more of a burden or a blessing? How do my words shared (in-person and online), reflect my inner heart?
Where is the boundary line between being “authentic/vulnerable” with complaining and negativity?
How do I want my child to feel 18 years from now when they look back and see what’s been shared of them in their most intimate moments?
Am I sharing words or content to build others up? (I Thessalonians 5:11)
Am I trying to model something (vulnerability/a lifestyle/an image) for others to follow?
If my child one day posted the type of words I share online how would that make me feel?
Do I spend time being thoughtful about what I share, or is it an immediate reaction to my emotions?
Online partnerships:
Will this photo/content help me earn income? Do I even want to pursue that?
Do I feel comfortable making money off my child?
Where is the boundary line between profiting financially off my children’s faces with exploitation?
What is the purpose of this money? What is it being used for? How should it be stewarded?
Would it be proper to get consent from my child before posting?
Can a child under 16 even offer proper emotional or mental consent? (---> If you’re interested in the topic of “consent”, 16 is the age of consent for sexual activity in Canada. Also, 16 is the age in Ontario you can legally decide where you want to live in regards to parents/guardians.)
Am I burdening my child with needing to perform or produce “content” for my own business? How is this impacting their daily lives and rhythms?
Account limits:
Should my account be a public or private account?
What do I feel comfortable sharing? What about my partner? Are we on the same page?
Would sharing photos of our kids' faces be better and/or worse than not sharing their face?
Would it be enough to share the back of their head?
Are there people or accounts we should remove from following us? How best should we determine that?
How should we use the “close friends” sharing option on IG stories? Who would fall under the category as a “close friend”?
Do I even want any photos of my kids online at all?
Would it be helpful or wise to create a separate social media account for my children and post on their behalf? What’s the potential value or risk in this?
I hope reading and considering these questions is helpful and fruitful. I hope it helps bring unity in your family around social media use. Even if developing answers to these questions requires a change of practice and it feels hard - it’s okay. It is hard. Changing our patterns and rhythms takes time.
Perhaps in different seasons of parenting we may need to re-assess and make some changes. There’s so much grace here.
May you parent, steward, and protect your children to God’s glory. They are a precious gift, a miracle of life, and a joy to behold and share with your community in the way God leads you.