I Am Yet A Child
I have grown to really love my new job - I have the pleasure of being a caregiver for a family looking after their children. Ade and Eli are twin boys (3.5yrs), and their sister Si is 8yrs. Looking after kids all day definitely has some challenging moments, yet I feel insanely blessed. I often learn so much about God and gain a lot of perspective on my relationship with him as His child. Here's a snippet of a recent conversation with Ade that really reflects that:
[It's late in the afternoon and Ade has already been quite upset about something else and is seeking comfort in the form of orange juice - his go-to comfort beverage. Unfortunately we have run out of orange juice and all day I have been anticipating this conversation]
Ade: [sits on my lap as I rub his back while he stops crying] I want some orange juice.
Me: Ade I'm really sorry but we have run out of orange juice today. I can't get you any, but I can get you something else, how about some water?
A: No - I want orange juice, I know we have some.
M: No Ade I'm sorry but we've run out and your dad hasn't had the chance to buy more yet. I can't get you any right now I'm really sorry.
A: [very upset with this news] So you're going to do this the hard way!
M: [holds back laughter] No Ade, you're not listening to me. I would love to give you orange juice if we had some but I can get you some water.
A: No, you're doing this the hard way!
M: How about I get you some water?
So you're going to do this the hard way. Wow. And how many times have I said that to God?
I struggle with letting go of control and I often get frustrated or upset when circumstances don't happen the way I want them to. I know my heart often reflects this attitude of anger towards God when He doesn't do things that way I want. When I often think that God is doing things that hard way for me because I am in discomfort, and disappointment. I lack that parental perspective. When you can see the whole situation and understand exactly why certain things are happening. When I find myself in that place of frustration or disappointment due to unmet, unrealistic expectations placed on God, I'm learning to take a step back. I'm learning to recognize the emotions for what they are: emotions. Even though they feel real in the moment, they aren't truths. I need to trade these unrealistic exceptions and frustrated emotions for God's truths: that He is good and fully in control. That means He works all things together for my ultimate good. No matter what the circumstances look like in my limited perspective, God is still in control and I am still His child.